What took me so long?

I “came out” as an intuitive medium in January of 2017, complete with a Facebook page and website outlining my training and offerings in mediumship, intuitive, and Akashic Records readings.

Within the following months, I started to delete all mention of mediumship and focused instead only on Akashic Readings.

The reason I told myself was that I was only getting requests for Akashic Readings... but the real reason was that I was secretly praying that people would not ask for mediumship.

And the reason for that?

I was terrified.

Flat out afraid.

Scared in a way that people who knew me couldn’t make sense of, and people who just met me said they didn't believe because to them, I seemed so composed.

Although I was admitting I was scared, I was told time and time again, that I was talking about my fear while embodying complete confidence. I was told that I was connecting with Spirit, despite my self doubt, and that I was providing good solid readings, despite the crash in my confidence that happened right after the client left.

No one could truly understand my hesitance. Even though the outside world saw strength and security, inside I was a mess.

And so this has been my journey. Experiencing fear and doubt in a way that I am not familiar with and doesn't make sense to the people around me.

I have been feeling a complete void where a clear gut feeling usually is. I am used to easily feeling which path is right for me, but I couldn't with this and so, I was stuck.

In limbo.

And I think it's been taking a toll on me.

This last year has been tough. The energy in my mind and my body has been off. I haven't felt good but could not pinpoint just what was wrong. I have been to doctors who told me everything is normal and a slew of holistic healers, all with their own spin consisting of something like: “Your energy is off. Your energy is stuck. Your energy is not moving.”

But how to unstick it? How do I get my energy moving agin?

Perhaps all of the fear and stuck energy had been leading up to my week-long Advanced Mediumship Certification training with Lisa Williams at the Omega Institute. Of course, even getting to the class was no easy task, complete with taking the wrong dates off from work and nearly heading to Omega one week too early! (Check out my blog about that here!).

But now, having completed such an amazing week of training, I am finding myself trying to process it all.

Anyone who has had an immense growth experience knows that describing what happened is nearly impossible. Placing language on a profound experience is completely frustrating and trying to have someone on the outside understand your internal progression of change feels fairly useless.

So instead of trying to capture the growth I experienced over my seven day mediumship training, what I can absolutely put words on is the feeling of having to come back home- a screaming voice inside of me was crying out “Noooo!”

I felt like a child trying to cling to her mother while someone else ripped her away, telling her that she has to go back to living with strangers now.

And I cried.

So much crying. Not one fiber of my being wanted to leave this place, these people, these studies, this experience. I stayed on campus an extra two hours because I just wasn't ready to let go.

The re-integration has been tough: mood swings, moments of peace, moments of whining, frustration, resignation. The whole bit. And through all of this process, the question still remained inside: “Am I a medium now? Do I offer it? Is this really my thing?”

And then more questions: “Do I wait for a sign? Do I wait for the next person to tell me I “should”? Do I do more practice? When will I truly be ready?”

And finally, the motivator that has gotten me to do a lot of things in my life set in: I flat out started to annoy myself.

“Ok, that's enough now, Liz. It's just time. Just put it out there. Let's move to the next place.”

Why has it taken me so long?

So yes, fear has had me stuck, but the true answer about what has held me back is- this is really stinking important.

Owning my identity as a medium is really stinking important. It's maybe the hardest and most challenging identity I have ever claimed, or reclaimed as the case may be.

And as important as this process has been for me, talking to your loved ones in spirit is even more stinking important. This is a job that I cannot mess up. This is a responsibility which feels far beyond the literal life and death situations I have faced as a therapist.

Talking to souls that no longer have a human body or an audible voice- and making sure I get their message just right- is really stinking important. I don't want to screw it up, because they deserve to be translated accurately and you deserve to hear exactly what they are saying from the other side.

Being a medium is really, really important, and that's why I have taken so much time to offer this to you.